Deborah, a Chief Clinical Officer, described the scene to me with a heavy sigh. She was standing at the edge of a hotel ballroom, checking her watch, holding a drink she didn’t want. She told me, “For years, I avoided networking because it felt so draining, so fake. I’d come home exhausted from trying to be impressive, wondering if anyone even remembered my damn name.”
Because she avoided the game, her career plateaued. She needed relationships to advance, but she refused to play the “business card poker” she saw others playing.
So, she stopped networking and started connecting. She identified three people she genuinely admired, not to get something from them, but to learn. Instead of pitching her credentials, she asked them a question that showed interest. “What’s something you’re learning now that is changing the way you think?”
Deborah replaced exhaustion with curiosity. She focused on being interested versus interesting. Those three people became her strongest advocates, propelling her into the executive suite. She stopped counting contacts and started counting conversations that mattered.
Networking accumulates contacts; connection cultivates champions. Networking is exchanging information; connection is exchanging understanding.
In interviews with 40 women leaders in healthcare, those who broke through the “busyness trap” didn’t have the widest networks, but rather the deepest strategic alliances.
THE QUESTION
Who is one person you have been trying to “network” with, and how would the relationship shift if you stopped trying to impress them and simply became curious about them?
You don’t need a stack of business cards.
You need a few people who will say your name when you aren’t there to say it yourself.
“Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment’ and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” – Brené Brown