Ella closed the email with the project update from her Director of Operations. More deadlines missed, and details forgotten. Hadn’t she been clear about her priorities?
The last six months had produced familiar frustration. She expected him to be more organized, more proactive, more like her.
Rather than fire off another email, she took a walk and then met a colleague for lunch, who asked her a simple question: “What exactly did you agree to?”
The question hit her hard.
She realized she’d never created an actual agreement. She’d assigned the role, outlined responsibilities, and assumed he’d intuitively know about how things should run. For two days, she sat with this. She was consciously not avoiding the situation, but processing and preparing. She reached out to meet live.
This time, the conversation was different. Not “You didn’t meet my expectations,” but “What would it take to make this work?” She’d converted her complaint about not hitting timelines and missing details into a specific request. Together, they shaped a clear agreement with weekly check-ins, a shared project tracker, and clear decision-making rights. They chose the structure together in genuine collaboration.
The weight lifted. The resistance dissolved.
That meeting became something bigger. Ella brought it to her executive team. They redesigned how they worked together, starting with their org chart and moving to who owns what decisions, how they’ll communicate, and what accountability actually means. Not expectations imposed from above, but agreements co-created at every level. It was a cultural shift.
Here’s what changed: expectations are assumed, heavy, cause resistance, and invite blame. Agreements unlock creative energy. Agreements are clear, lighter, collaborative, and promote natural accountability.
THE QUESTION
Before your next difficult conversation, what if you started with zero expectations and asked instead: “What agreement do we need to create together?”
That question solves a core leadership challenge: holding people accountable in a humanistic way.
People want to keep their word, not yours.
“Language controls discussion. Discussion controls relationships. Relationships control business.” – Alan Weiss