The Hidden Key To Transformational Leadership
I was watching a veteran executive lead his quarterly town hall. On paper, he was doing everything right—clear agenda, well-prepared slides, staying on time, talking points delivered—all the leadership boxes checked.
But something felt off. The energy in the room was flat, the audience disconnected.
Contrast that with my witnessing a division head present her annual strategic plan to the CEO. Her slides were perfect, her data compelling, her delivery polished, her audience engaged. Minutes later, I saw her holding a colleague’s baby, completely transformed—gentle, nurturing, speaking in soft tones.
In that moment, something felt right.
This was yet another example that leadership isn’t just about what we do—it’s about who we are being while we do it.
The 80/20 Rule of Leadership Impact
Think about the last leader who truly inspired you. What do you remember most? I bet it wasn’t their slides or their strategic plan. The leader I remember was an early mentor, Bill, whose eyes would light up with genuine curiosity every time I shared an idea, no matter how half-baked it might have been. He extended his curiosity and energy to rooms large and small, with leaders, staff, customers, and as I got to know him, with his family and friends.
A one-in-one-hundred leader who got it—who got you.
Recently, one of my coaching clients shared a powerful story. She watched an entire team lose trust in their leader in a single moment. It wasn’t what the leader said. It was a slight eye roll during a team member’s presentation. That seemingly minor gesture caused a major negative consequence.
Eighty percent of your leadership impact comes from non-verbal communication. It’s not just what you say—it’s how you show up:
- Your energy and presence. Are you bringing life into the room or, as one client put it, “sucking oxygen out of it”?
- Your eye contact and approachability. Do you look at others in a welcoming way?
- Your body language, especially your face. One executive told me a furrowed brow can shut down creativity faster than any words.
- The emotions you bring. Your team can feel your authenticity—or lack thereof—a mile away.
- The quality of your attention. Are you truly listening or just waiting to speak?
Only 20 percent of your leadership impact comes from verbal communication. Who you’re “being” speaks volumes louder than what you’re “doing.”
The Power of Being: Seven Essential States
Through interviewing dozens of women healthcare leaders, I’ve observed seven ways of being that transform ordinary managers into inspirational leaders:
- Being Present: One CEO shared how putting away her phone and turning away from her computer during conversations completely transformed her relationships with her team.
- Being Curious: Instead of rushing to judgment, approach challenges with wonder. As one healthcare executive told me, “Sometimes mothers can handle multi-tasking better, but only if we stay curious about solutions rather than jumping to conclusions.”
- Being Courageous: Standing firm in difficult conversations isn’t comfortable. One leader shared how she had to find the courage to advocate for herself when her male colleagues continually restated her ideas as their own.
- Being Humble: Nothing builds credibility faster than admitting when you’re wrong. A division president shared how acknowledging her mistakes transformed the way her teams responded to her leadership.
- Being Empowering: Create space for others to grow. A medical leader I interviewed described how her mentor’s willingness to step back allowed her to grow into increasingly challenging roles.
- Being Inspirational: This isn’t about grand speeches. One CEO shared how she inspires through unwavering conviction in her team’s potential, even when they doubt themselves.
- Being Trustworthy: Trust isn’t built through words—it’s built through consistent, authentic presence. Your facial expressions, your follow-through, and your emotional consistency all signal whether you can be trusted.
Breaking Free from Self-Sabotage
We all have our favorite flavors of self-sabotage. I used to be the creative achiever who couldn’t slow down to listen. I was so focused on “doing” that I missed countless opportunities to truly connect through “being.” I see similar patterns in my coaching clients:
- The perfectionist who can’t delegate
- The controller who struggles to trust
- The people-pleaser who avoids necessary conflict
The key to transformation isn’t doing more or trying harder—it’s choosing a different way of being. As one of my clients recently reflected back to me, “I’ll know what to do when I’m being who I need to be.”
Authenticity in Leadership
Some might ask: “Isn’t focusing on ‘being’ just putting on an act?”
One of my colleagues has wrestled with this question throughout her career. “I was always collaborative by nature,” she told me. “But I found myself becoming overly firm and assertive because of my ambition. I incorporated more masculine leadership traits because I thought it was needed to succeed.”
But then she discovered something fascinating. In countries with less gender discrimination, traditionally feminine leadership traits like empathy, collaboration, and nurturing are greatly valued. She realized she’d been adapting to a system that asked women to act like men, rather than bringing her authentic strengths to her leadership.
“Now I understand that it’s okay to be empathetic, collaborative, and nurturing,” she said. “These aren’t weaknesses—they’re powerful leadership traits that create stronger organizations.”
Her story reminds us that authenticity isn’t about maintaining a single way of being, but about bringing your whole self to each moment, drawing on different facets of who you are to meet each situation’s needs.
The Path to Transformation
The journey from doing-focused to being-focused leadership isn’t always smooth. Like any meaningful change, it starts with awareness:
- Notice Your Impact: Pay attention to how your presence affects others
- Choose Your State: Before each interaction, decide who you need to be
- Practice Patience: Give yourself permission to grow into new ways of being
- Seek Feedback: Ask trusted colleagues how your presence impacts them
A Question for Reflection
As you move through your day tomorrow, try this: Before each significant interaction, pause and ask yourself, “Who do I need to be in this moment?” Not what should I do, but who should I be?
Leadership isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. Your way of being creates the space for others to grow, innovate, and thrive.